I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
