We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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