Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
do herpes really smell.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
