Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
