we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think a kid would responsible me up
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
