don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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