Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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