after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
