Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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