i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She even gives head with a lisp.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
