i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
