My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
