At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
