if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
