bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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