i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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