Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
