i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
