too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
