I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
