Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
