It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
