Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
