Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
