i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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