god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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