porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
