fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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