Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
