What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
