Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
birth control should be required to get into college
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
