Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
