You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
