oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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