Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Four minutes until I can fart!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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