Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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