All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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