I want to stick my p in your. b.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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