Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
