32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
