Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
