so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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