A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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