Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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