just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
