my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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