Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
