I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
