I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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