Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Randomize
