I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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