Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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