The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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