is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
